A Kings

  • The Entitlement Epidemic PT 2

    Part 2: The Collapse of Civilization, One Dumpster at a Time By a guy who has seen people miss a dumpster from three feet away and somehow blame society. By A. Kings Since writing Part 1, I have continued my scientific research into the growing entitlement epidemic. By “scientific research,” I mean standing around observing…

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  • AI Is Going to Destroy Humanity?

    By a Guy Who Thinks Generation X Has a Plan Every day now, somebody appears on television to explain that artificial intelligence is about to destroy civilization. Scientists say it. Politicians say it. Technology executives say it. YouTube influencers definitely say it, usually beneath a thumbnail featuring glowing red eyes and the words “IT HAS…

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  • The Great Subscription Scam

    By a Guy Who Remembers When You Actually Owned Things There was a time, not that long ago, when buying something meant it was yours. You bought a toaster. It toasted bread. End of transaction. You bought a lawn mower. It removed grass. End of transaction. You bought a car. It transported you from one…

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  • An Evening Stroll with Just a Man and His Dog

    By a guy who still looks up at the night sky and remembers when the stars meant something. The evening shows up the way it always does. Its calm, familiar feeling like a quiet old friend who doesn’t need to say much. There’s a comfort to it, like a favorite sweater that still carries a…

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  • The Real Housewives of the Dog Park

    By a guy who now knows twenty-seven dogs by name but still has no idea what their owners are called There is, tucked neatly into the suburban machinery of Short Pump Dog Park, a surprisingly civilized little kingdom for dogs and the exhausted humans attached to them. Unlike most dog parks — which resemble the…

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  • Where Home Awaits

    by a guy who has learned that distance measures miles, not meaning Here I am in Houston, Texas—two thousand miles from a little house in Virginia—and the night feels just unfamiliar enough to make a man think. It’s quiet in a different way here. Not the kind of quiet that wraps around you like a…

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  • The Author Continues Refreshing Amazon Like a Deranged Weather Forecaster

    By a guy who now knows the Amazon dashboard far more intimately than any human being should A few days have passed since Hidden Alignment wandered nervously onto Amazon wearing its little paperback suit and pretending not to panic. And I’ll be honest with you. Being a first-time author is psychologically fascinating because every tiny…

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  • Notes From a First-Time Author Refreshing Amazon at 2 A.M.

    By a guy who refreshes his Amazon page like a raccoon checking a vending machine There’s a strange little moment that happens after you publish a book. You imagine fireworks. Trumpets. Crowds storming the gates of Amazon like it’s Black Friday and you’re handing out free televisions and rotisserie chickens. Instead, what actually happens is…

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  • Doodling: A Baffling Habit I’ve Somehow Acquired

    By someone who should really be rewiring your microwave, not typing this nonsense Writing. Yes. That peculiar act of dragging symbols across a page in the hope they make some kind of sense. It’s a bit mad when you think about it. And for most of my life, I treated it with the same level…

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  • The Early Morning Expedition: A Study in Humanity, Leashes, and Dubious Robes

    By someone who absolutely did not volunteer for the dawn shift There’s a moment — a cruel, unholy moment — when you realize that if you don’t take the dog out now, there will be consequences. Not gentle “oh well” consequences. No, I mean war-crime level consequences. So there you are, half-dressed, caffeine nowhere near…

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  • The Three-Dog Treaty (Which Failed Almost Immediately)

    by a guy who thought one calm dog was a lifestyle, not a limited-time offer There are, in this world, many delicate ecosystems. The Amazon rainforest. The Great Barrier Reef. And then—far more volatile, far less documented—there is the household in Houston, where three dogs have formed what can only be described as a loosely…

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  • The World, Slightly On Fire (Again)

    By a man who would quite like gas to stop behaving like vintage champagne There was a time—glorious, naïve, almost suspiciously peaceful—when the biggest global concern was whether your neighbor had stolen your recycling bin. Now, however, the planet appears to be run by a committee of caffeinated squirrels armed with nuclear codes. Let’s begin…

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  • How Not to Lose Your Mind While Arguing With Absolutely Everyone (Including Wildlife)

    By a man who has, on several occasions, attempted to win an argument with both a human being and a raccoon—and lost to the raccoon. Let me begin with a crucial observation: arguing is not about winning. That’s what fools believe. Arguing is about survival. It’s about getting through the conversation with your dignity intact,…

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  • “Getting Lost: A World Tour of Confusion”

    By a guy who has GPS, maps, and common sense—and somehow still ends up wherever it wants him to. There are drivers, and then there are artists of getting lost. I am firmly in the latter category. Not by choice, mind you. But by fate, incompetence, and an uncanny ability to follow GPS instructions like…

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  • A Quiet Walk, a Terrible Idea, and a Book Soon to Be Available on AMAZON

    By a man who thought he was writing a simple story and instead built something that refuses to sit quietly There are, broadly speaking, two types of people in this world. Those who go for a quiet walk in the countryside and return with fresh air, mild satisfaction, and perhaps a slightly damp shoe. And…

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  • Driving Cultures of the World: Or, How Humanity Somehow Still Arrives Alive

    By a guy who has been tailgated, politely apologized to, aggressively gestured at, spiritually tested, mildly terrified, and once overtaken by a vehicle carrying livestock. There are many great mysteries in life. Why toast always lands butter-side down. Why socks vanish in the laundry. And, perhaps most baffling of all, how eight billion people, armed…

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  • How I Went from Chasing Jets to Chasing a Good Night’s Sleep

    By a man who has come to the rather alarming conclusion that aging is less of a gentle evolution and more of a series of increasingly expensive inconveniences. As you get older, you don’t just change—you are, quite unceremoniously, replaced. Bit by bit. Like an old car that still runs, but now whistles, rattles, and…

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  • Winter Flying: Or, How a Snowflake Becomes a National Crisis

    By a guy who once had his entire life cancelled by what could generously be described as decorative ice There is, in modern life, no greater illusion than the belief that you are actually going somewhere. You book the ticket months in advance. You plan. You coordinate. You inform relatives, rearrange work, mentally pack your…

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  • Intentions: A Field Guide to What People Say They Meant.

    By a man who firmly believes that “good intentions” are the leading cause of mild disasters, awkward apologies, and at least three kitchen fires—two of which, incidentally, were declared “perfectly under control” right up until the ceiling got involved. Let’s get one thing straight. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, “Today, I shall…

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  • Four Seasons and the Complete Madness of Human Beings

    By a man who has noticed that no matter what the weather is doing, people are absolutely certain it should be doing something else. Let’s begin in winter. Winter is the time of year when human beings collectively forget that cold exists. Every single year, without fail, it arrives like an unexpected tax bill. “Oh…

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  • 2,000 Miles, One Dog, and Zero Regrets (Except for All of It)

    by a guy who should’ve known better, but somehow keeps saying yes anyway Just before Thanksgiving, my girlfriend visited me in Richmond, VA and convinced me to spend the holiday with her in Houston — or as I prefer to call it, hell with excellent barbecue. One minute I was enjoying the crisp Virginia air,…

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  • A Feast, a Republic, and the Promise of Freedom

    Thanksgiving. The word alone conjures images of bountiful feasts, warm hearths, and the collective sigh of a nation pausing to reflect on its blessings. It all began with a little ship named The Mayflower, braving the icy Atlantic in search of freedom—a freedom so profound that the very act of its pursuit planted the seeds…

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  • Symphony of Pirates and Hope

    By a guy who thought he was heading to a classy evening of culture… and absolutely wasn’t prepared for what happened instead. Last weekend, the neighbors and I went to see the famed Richmond Symphony Orchestra. And I have to say, they did not disappoint. It wasn’t merely music — it was an explosion of…

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  • The Most Wonderful Time to Be Sentimental

    By a guy who still gets misty-eyed at the sight of tinsel Ask anyone what their favorite time of year is, and you’ll hear all sorts of questionable choices. Some will say summer — which is basically four months of being basted like a rotisserie chicken. Others will praise spring, a season mostly dedicated to…

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